Century 21
by Death by Bambi Tapes
Summary: Yay! The Fellowship is on their way to Florida! But there's a couple of problems aon their way there. Chapter 6 up! Rated R for swears and later mushy stuff!
1. Starting Out

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Legolas groaned and threw down his pen. How he missed the days when you didn't have to pay morgage on your home. Being in Middle-earth during the Third Age was so much better than being in Chicago in 2002. And he would prefer Orcs over the IRS any day. You can always kill Orcs. It's frowned upon if you kill an IRS guy. Boromir learned that the hard way.  
  
  
  
The phone rang and Legolas groaned. He answered it and was soon pissed instead of annoyed. He grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out of the house.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Aragorn came home from college that day, he was suprised that Legolas wasn't home. He had just started college and wondered why he hadn't joined when Legolas did. Ever since the Valar granted immortality to the Fellowship, he had been slacking off. Now he wondered why he hadn't started earlier. Beer, Babes and Parties were just what he wanted.  
  
He jumped when the front door swang open. Legolas dragged a drunk Gandalf through the door.  
  
Aragorn just glanced and knew exactly what happened. "Was he at the strip club again?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"And he got drunk again?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"And he-"  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
"DId the club ban him yet?"  
  
"Nope, he's a good customer, except when he drinks too much. Then he kinda get up on stage and....yeah."  
  
Aragorn looked at the drunken Gandalf. They really needed to break him of that habit.  
  
Legolas grabbed his forehead and groaned. "Aragorn, can you watch Gandalf? I have a headache."  
  
Aragorn shrugged. "Sure."  
  
Gandalf looked drunkenly up at Legolas. "Can i go back to my girls?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Legolas threw up his hands in frustration and went to his room, grabbing a bunch of Motrin on the way. 


	2. The Happiest Place on Earth

Disclaimer: Oops. I realized that I didn't put a disclaimer on the first chapter. Sorry. Anyway, none of these characters belong to me. I'm just borrowing them. I REALLY doubt he'd what them back when I'm done with them anyway. And I'm not giving Legolas back, anyway. Muahahaha. Hm. Okay just ignore me. I'm on a sugar high.  
  
Legolas was woken up by a loud bang from downstairs. Damn. If that fucking hobbit just shot the wall again.. I told him to stop playing with that Uzi. Why he ever allowed that hobbit to join the two World Wars, he'd never know.  
  
Legolas walked downstairs, and saw just what he expected. Pippin was shooting the wall again.  
  
"Damn it Pippin! Stop wrecking the house!"  
  
"Aye, Legolas. Good to see you."  
  
Legolas peered at Pippin. "Are you drunk?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"You weren't drunk at work, weren't you?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"You got fired again, didn't you."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Damn it Pippin can't you keep a job??"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I love my booze...."  
  
"Pippin.."  
  
"And my pot..."  
  
"Pippin!"  
  
"And my cocaine..."  
  
"Pippin! That's enough! Go to your room!"  
  
Pippin gaped at Legolas. "What the fuck?"  
  
"Now!!!"  
  
Pippin went to his room, and Legolas sat down and thought. Now that Pippin was out of a job once again, he's need to get another one. He knew Burger King was hiring. His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and the other Hobbits came home. Legolas stood up.  
  
"Guys, I'm going to go apply to a job at Burger King."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Pippin lost his job again."  
  
"Did he sleep with his boss's daughter again."  
  
Legolas stared at Merry. "I REALLY did not need to know that."  
  
Merry shrugged, and Legolas put on his jacket and left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Welcome to Burger King, Legolas. You are now part of the greatest place on earth.", Said Legolas's new boss.  
  
Legolas looked confused. "Wait. I thought that was Disney World."  
  
"Well excuse me for improvising. " Jared Ballar looked at Legolas with interest. 'So are you seeing anybody?"  
  
Now Legolas was scared shitless."What the fuck?"  
  
"Oh, sorry. Your not gay?"  
  
"Hell no!"  
  
Legolas's boss shrugged. "Oh well. Get to work."  
  
Legolas ran from the room. He was sure as hell never going in there again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Two Double Whoppers. One Whopper Jr. 2 diet Cokes and a Frozen Coke. That's 9.37."  
  
The three teenaged girls just batted their eyes in response. Oh, crap, thought Legolas. I KNEW I shouldn't of taken this job.  
  
"Hello. I need the money."  
  
"Can i have your phone number?", asked the red haired girl.  
  
Oh, god help me, thought Legolas desperately.  
  
"Yo! Lego! What's up, dude?'  
  
Legolas looked up in relief to see Gimli walk in. The girls, realizing they had lost what little attention they started out with, paid and left.  
  
"Gimli, thank God.", whispered a relieved Legolas.  
  
"Yeah, you looked kinda scared."  
  
"Hell, yeah. I can't stand some of these people. You have got to help me!"  
  
"Nope, I'm here to pick up my date. Sorry dude."  
  
"That's ok- wait. Your DATE?"  
  
"Yeah he works here. His name is Jared Ballar."  
  
Legolas's mouth dropped open. Gimli was going on a date with his boss??? 


	3. Pippins new Job!

Legolas stormed through the door. Merry, Frodo, Aragorn and Gandalf were watching the playmate Fear Factor.  
  
"How was work?", asked Aragorn, with his eyes glued to the T.V.  
  
"A 72 year old woman asked me for my phone number, my boss wants me and Gimli's going on a date with my gay boss. It pretty much sucked."  
  
Frodo laughed. "Sounds like fun. Maybe if Gimli lays your boss you'll get a raise."  
  
"Either that, or fired.", put in Merry.  
  
Legolas grumbled. "Shut the fuck up."  
  
At that moment Pippin burst through the door. "I got a new job! I'm gonna be a millionaire!"  
  
" You said that when you were going to be a pizza boy.", stated Merry.  
  
"Well this time is going to be better. I"m a porn star."  
  
Everyone stopped watching t.v and stared at Pippin.  
  
"You have got to be kidding. Your only 4 feet tall.", said Aragorn.  
  
"Well, if you think about it i'm the perfect height to suck a-"  
  
Legolas put his hands over his ears. "No. That's enough! Stop it!. Go to your room!"  
  
"What the fuck?", yelled Pippin.  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"Damn. I moved out of my mother's house thousands of years ago, and yet i am still sent to my room."  
  
"GO!"  
  
Pippin left, and Sam came running in, dragging an American Mastiff puppy.  
  
"Guys, look at what I found! His name's Pookie!"  
  
"Pookie?", asked Merry.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you? Naming a mastiff POOKIE???", said Aragorn.  
  
Sam straightened. "His name's Pookie, whether you like it or not."  
  
"Well, I refuse to call him Pookie. I'm gonna call him Spike.", said the Ranger.  
  
"I'll give you 50 bucks if you call him Pookie."  
  
"50?? Okay."  
  
Sam paid Aragorn his money, and Aragorn started walking away.  
  
"You know you could of gotten it for 20?", and he left.  
  
"Damn." 


	4. ARWEN!!! AHHH!!!

Disclaimer; I DO NOT OWN THE FELLOWSHIP CHARACTERS!!! BUT I HAVE A FEELING TOLKIEN WILL NOT WANT THEM BACK WHEN I AM DONE SO FUCK OFF!! P.S. Please don't sue me (  
  
  
  
The Fellowship was sitting down watching T.V. Pookie the mastiff was chewing up Frodo's underwear, but he didn't notice. Well, he would later, but that's another story. At that moment, Arwen walked in.  
  
"AHHHHH! GO AWAY!!", screamed Aragorn.  
  
"Relax. I'm just here for the child support money. "the Elf said.  
  
Legolas piped up. "Arwen? Why do you always come here and take all our money when you have millions from your Playboy job?"  
  
Arwen looked at Legolas matter-of-factly. "Because I use that money to make myself look beautiful."  
  
Her attention was drawn away by a cough that sounded a hell of a lot like "Slut."  
  
  
  
Arden walked over to Pippin. "What did you just call me?"  
  
"A slut.", Pippin looked Arwen straight in the eyes."We know half those kids aren't even Aragorn's, so fuck off."  
  
Arwen was clearly pisses. "Man whore."  
  
"Preppy bitch."  
  
Arwen smirked. "I prefer asshole. Bitch is sexist, you little homo."  
  
"Well, your bi-sexual."  
  
Arwen gasped, then fell to the floor in a weeping heap."You...said.. you wouldn't...tell anyone.", she gasped out between sobs.  
  
Legolas looked at Aragorn, and they both burst out laughing, sending off a chain reaction.  
  
"Stop...laughing..at me.", sobbed Arwen.  
  
The door swung open and Gimli strolled in. "I laid you boss, Legolas."  
  
Legolas immediately stopped laughing. "What??" 


	5. Family Ties

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. Poor me.  
  
  
  
****  
  
  
  
Legolas looked at Gimli. "You did WHAT??"  
  
"I laid your boss."  
  
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god!"  
  
"It was nice"  
  
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god."  
  
Aragorn piped up. "Pippin I bet you 5 dollars that Legolas doesn't stop saying 'oh my god' in five minutes."  
  
"Deal", Pippin grinned.  
  
Legolas went on saying 'oh my god' for another five minutes, so that Pippin would have to pay Aragorn. He was still mad about the whole wall shooting incident.  
  
"Anyway, Legolas, I'm going on another date with him on Friday.", said Gimli.  
  
Friday?? That was too near..he had to think of something fast.  
  
"Sorry Gimli. You can't go on Friday."  
  
Gimli's mouth dropped open. "Who the hell do you think you are, my mom?"  
  
"Hehe. Kinda like when he tells me to go to my room.", piped in Pippin.  
  
"Anyway", said Legolas, ignoring Pippin. "We're going on a family vacation."  
  
There was a moment of silence, then the others burst out laughing.  
  
"A family vacation!", hooted Gandalf.  
  
"Our mother must of been a hooker or something.", laughed Pippin.  
  
"Pippin! Go to your room!", yelled Legolas, so he could be heard over the laughter.  
  
"Damn.", muttered Pippin. "I need to learn to keep my mouth shut."  
  
"So where are we going?", asked Merry.  
  
"Uhhhh. Florida."  
  
"Wicked cool!", excalimed Merry.  
  
Everyone looked at him. "Wicked?"  
  
'Sorry."  
  
Legolas regained his composure. "Anyway everyone pack up! We're leaving tomorrow. "  
  
As he went to the stairs something stopped him. He rolled his eyes. "Arwen, can you PLEASE leave?" 


	6. Leavin On A Jet Plane

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I decided that i am forming a plot to steal Legolas and lock him up in my basement. Or in my closet. yeah...the closet's better. *evil grin*  
  
**************************************  
  
"LEGOLAS!"  
  
Legolas groaned and rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head, and tried to go back to cleep.  
  
"LEGOLAS!"  
  
"FUCK OFF SAM!"  
  
"LEGOLAS I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN UNDERWEAR!"  
  
"NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM!", he yelled back.  
  
Downstairs Sam swore and looked at Frodo. "What the hell's his problem?"  
  
"Elves aren't morning people.", explained Frodo.  
  
"Figures.", said Sam, and he went off to hunt for more underwear. If worse came to worse, he could just use Gimli's.  
  
Meanwhile, upstairs, Aragorn was having his own dilemma. "Gandalf, have you been using my shampoo again?"  
  
"What shampoo? You never bathe.", said the wizard.  
  
"Yeah, well, I bought some for show when girls spend the night."  
  
Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Go ask Legolas."  
  
Aragorn shrugged, and left the room. He marched to Legolas's, and pounded on the door.  
  
"FUCK OFF SAM!", yelled Legolas through the door.  
  
Aragorn smothered his laughter. "Legolas, have you seen my shampoo?"  
  
The door swung open, and there stood Legolas, clad only in jeans (A/N: Yummy.) "You have shampoo?", he asked in bewilderment.  
  
"Yeah.", said Aragorn, rolling his eyes. "Is that so hard to believe?"  
  
"Yeah.", admitted Legolas.  
  
"Well, have you seen it?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Just then Pookie ran by, a bottle of Thermasilk shampoo in his mouth. It was open, and as he ran, it spilled all over the floor. Aragorn swore loudly.  
  
"FUCKING DOG!", and he ran off after him, leaving a laughing Legolas.  
  
"POOKIE GET BACK HERE WITH MY SHAMPOO!", he yelled as he tore down the stairs.  
  
**************************************  
  
Three hours later, the Fellowship was almost at Florida. There were on one of those planes with the T,Vs on each seat. The flight was going as planned, when suddenly all the lights went our, and there were sparks and loud swearing from the seat behind Legolas. Men (and some women) shrieked, and children started to cry.  
  
"PIPPIN! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO??", yelled Legolas.  
  
The lights flickered back on, and Legolas saw that Pippin was sitting in his seat, whit the T.V in front of him smoking.  
  
"I didn't touch it!", he protested, as Merry choked back laughter.  
  
Legolas groaned. "I don't want to know what happened. I DON'T want to know!"  
  
*******************************  
  
About an hour later the plane landed, and Pippin was asked never to board an American Airlines flight again. Actually he was told not to.  
  
"Don't you ever board and American Airlines flight again!", said the flight attendent.  
  
"Well, than how am I going to get home?", asked Pippin.  
  
"Walk.", said the flight attendant, and he slammed the door to the plane.  
  
"Well, that sucks.", said Pippin.  
  
Legolas wasn't paying attention. He was watching a beautiful black haired girl walk off the palne, and towards the luggage claim.  
  
"Hello? Legolas?", Aragorn followed his eyes. "Ah. I see."  
  
"What is it?", asked Frodo.  
  
"A chick.", stated Aragorn.  
  
"OOOOO. Legolas has a CRUSH!". Gimli teased.  
  
Legolas glared at him. "Well, at least I like girls!" 


End file.
